Please don't make me shoot you; this is your first episode

The first season of Glee forced me to reach out with clawing hands, desperate to find a show with a plot. In one hand, I had the third season of True Blood, and in the other, Rookie Blue, the new cop drama I'd seen far too many trailers for on Global.

"Please don't make me shoot you; this is my first day on the job!"

That's the line that had me hooked.

And the trailers promised, of course, plenty of drug busts, shoot-outs, steamy encounters in changerooms, and that warm feeling of caffeine-powered police station camaraderie you feel when all the cops get together to be briefed on the latest cases in the neighbourhood.

Sure enough, Rookie Blue delivered on these things.

Coffee? Check. Gun? Check. Badge? Check.

Woman cop in a man's world, with potential father-daughter issues? Check.

Bad-ass undercover cop busting dealers? Check.

Generic bar scene where all the cops (regardless of their undercover status) appear to end up every night? Check.

Other than these curt nods to other police dramas, unfortunately, there seemed to be very little to distinguish Rookie Blue. It really wasn't anything special.

Actually, I would add that it was more often than not less than special. The plot developments were horribly contrived.

Riddle me this: What should your squad do when suspects flee the scene?

Answer: Keep all your best cops on the ground floor to arbitrarily wander the place and do bureaucratic CSI shit, while inexperienced rookies wander off in pairs or alone.

Rookie Blue exploits this impossible situation twice in its premiere, presumably to develop the characters of Andy (Missy Peregrym) and the other generic, stereotypical rookie cops-whose-names-and-faces-I-can-scarcely-care-to-recall. This complete cop-out of a plot device--for lack of a better expression--severely wounds the show's credibility and appeal to any sense of realism. A viewer whose understanding of the police can be limited to a solitary speeding ticket (me) should be able to pick up on the fact that almost none of the cops' actions in Rookie Blue even come close to resembling procedure.

Accidentally shooting a suspect? Okay, that's one thing.

Arresting and detaining an undercover cop long enough for another cop to come out and say "Jim [can't recall if that was his name, don't really care though] is that you?" and the other drug dealer to be like, "Shit you're a cop!"? That's really starting to verge on contrived.

Anyway, that's all I really want to say about Rookie Blue. This here Queen of One Hundred Chances may very well watch the second episode and give Annie-or-whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is and her stock character cop buddies another chance, but consider yourself warned: Rookie Blue lacks a lot.

Now, if you'll excuse me; I'm going to watch an episode of season one of Angel. Kate Lockley and her stock character police buddies might be unoriginal and lame, but at the least the show has the supernatural to make up for that. Maybe the creators of Rookie Blue should throw in some vampires to make things slightly more interesting.