"Can I use your shower?": True Blood Season 3 is back

At long last, True Blood is back. It's been a painful year, and we've waited for it the way a Twi-hard waits for marriage. And what a consummating experience the premiere was.

Sam is on a search for his parents in Arkansas (ugh), and has an encounter that makes for an unprecedented but rather pleasant scene.

Jessica has a bad smell problem and Jason has more sexual dysfunction. Meanwhile, Sophie-Anne (Evan Rachel Wood), the Vampire Queen of Louisiana, despite having indomitable sass and eviscerating wit, is terrible at lying.

Oh, and Eric has a bluetooth. Not that that's the only way vamps call each other, of course.

Aaaand, of course, what would a season of True Blood be without a murder?

Believe me--this season premiere does not disappoint.

A couple memorable quotations:

"How 'bout you just call us the Fuck-you Crew?"

Andy [to Jason]: Conscience off, dick on, and everything's gonna be all right!

Lafayette: "Bitch, You-Me bridge gonna never mother-fuckin-happen."